After an exhaustive day, I looked at the mirror to check on my skin “status”. Less than a gallon of water a day makes my face sad. Puffiness under my eyes, two zits on my cheek and eyebrow. To top it all my complexion just dropped two scales on the fairness meter. I had no zest to wash my face and moisturize it. My limp body wanted to hit the sack. Thoughts actively established themselves. They were too adamant to leave my side so that I could fall into sleep.
After what seemed like an hour of tossing and turning in bed I sat upright. My past overwhelmed me. What seemed like stress unfolded yet another enemy called regret. I sat with my notebook open, to get relieved of the thoughts lingering in my brain. Tracing back to the nebular days of my relationship. Everything seemed wonderful, I had found the one to whom I could confide anything and everything. I was at peace with myself. I had not initiated a love relationship. I was happy with the friendship he extended.
Within a span of two months I found myself moving in with him. Things moved fast. I did not occlude it. I convinced him to stay with me. We built a love shack. Immense pleasure and happiness adorned it. We lived as a couple, taking an active role in each other’s lives. After a trimester, our paradise hit rocks. His dream got shattered and his friendships started interfering in our relationship. Raising the point was a mistake I made. He wanted to part ways. I held to the relationship and cajoled him to give it another shot.
A year together made us a strong couple. I decided to follow him to his dream destination. Being a complete failure at his career, he called off the relationship. I was shattered. I had no life left. If he had not decided to leave me I would be cuddling with him, burying my dreams for his. It was a timely intervention, from the almighty as I like to believe, which changed my course of life. I took notice of the downward spiral I was falling into and held on to my passion to rescue me. Now here I sit, writing this blog, happy that I am doing what I love rather than waiting for someone to get over his obsession with TV series.
I know you are having a relationship ‘hangover’. I know you want to burn yourself for no concrete reason. Your self-esteem is being questioned by none other than your self. You seek vengeance for the one year of torment while he poses happily for that picture. His voice still rings in your ears “You have demented my happiness. You always made yourself a priority. I have no feelings for you.” But guess what? This is not true.
You did not make a mistake. You need not be extremely self-critical about yourself. His happiness does not concern you. I know the moment your feed refreshed with that picture, a tiny ventricle connected to your heart got snapped. But it is ok. You deserve better people. Look at yourself in the mirror and smile. You are more fortunate than you think. Think about the times when you woke up and did not complain. the times you supported and stood by him. The times when you stayed without having an apparent reason to do so. You adorned his life with happiness. You learnt to co-exist. You understood how it is not easy to give someone your time.
If something does not last forever, it does not imply it was not worth it. Your life may not have terminated the way you expected, but nevertheless this new chapter is in no way stale. Your prince charming might have overthrown you for no reason at all. Don’t let trivial things affect your life. Be optimistic. think practical. Don’t let that tear trickle down your cheek. You have the strength to stop it. You are the goddess of strength. Show it. Change is the only constant thing in life. Learn to embrace it. Maybe he happened for a reason, or maybe not.
Don’t keep questioning the universe about it. Sometimes it doesn’t want to answer. Don’t be so clingy. We choose the battles we want to fight. Choose wisely and do not exacerbate it for yourself. I will take care of the decisions. Just don’t daydream. I love you.
Depression is taking a toll on our lives. The once not so common medical condition is posing a threat of an epidemic. Who is to blame? Who knew depression and anxiety would be so pervasive that the number of psychologists required would suddenly boom? Are we failing to find reasons? Or are we turning a blind eye?
Depression is not necessarily a medical condition. It is the strong negative feeling we anchor to and subject our heart to tremulous conditions. The causes of depression in today’s life are simple things like a failure in academics or breakups. Are we addressing these issues? The answer is no. Everybody today wants to run a non-existent race to reach on top. We compete against faceless people. Education has become a game of numbers. A fifteen-year-old is having a failed relationship. People working in MNCs are prone to suicide only because they are unhappy. What are we trying to achieve by losing our mind? An appraisal which is not precious, a guy/girl whom we are not compatible with but bear only because we are too comfortable, marks which are a symbol of pride to boast about to neighbors and relatives; who by the way don’t really care.
I just want to say it is ok. It is ok to retract from a path you took. It is ok to not do what others are doing. There are a gazillion career paths. A construction worker as well a company’s CEO get paid with currency. Maybe you saw a light at the end of your tunnel and the light you saw was nothing but a bunch of fireflies doing their dance. This does not call for suicide or depression and anxiety. This rather indicates that you were brave enough to tread that path and you have the tenacity to find the right tunnel.
Just do not give up. Life is awesome. It has surprises wrapped in fragrant as well as sordid wrappers. Do not be so gullible to judge the surprise by its wrapper. Spread smiles around you. Make people want to come to you and make a conversation. Expect nothing. Enhance your skillset. The universe does not owe you anything. It is definitely not conspiring a way to make you get what you want. Get real. When someone refuses to buy you an Apple iPhone settle for an apple. It’s equally worth it 🙂