Coffee with Mr.Loneliness

I stood there having nothing to do. Emptiness hovered over me. I cringed to accept the reality. Looking around I realized I was alone. Mr.Loneliness stood by the door smiling at me. I jumped. He told “Hi!” and beamed at me, glory of finding me alone glinting in his eye. I mumbled a feeble “Hello”. He asked me if he could have some coffee with me. I felt a lurch in my stomach. I boldly replied, “Yes, we can”. He sat on my bed, admiring my décor.

I made two cups of coffee. He asked me to sit and I took my seat. He immediately sprang into his story. He went about telling  his encounters with people. He told about a girl who cried and failed to understand the difference between being lonely and being alone. She chided herself for being an introvert. Retreated to her den and allowed nobody to see her. She considered herself ugly and carried a low self esteem everywhere she went.

He told about a young boy, who had been abused,verbally and physically by his father. He dared not to talk about it and spoke only to Mr.Loneliness as he cried to his pillow. After about what seemed like ages his voice faded, Mr. Loneliness looked at me, and whispered “So?”.

I was taken aback. I did not expect this meeting to be a confrontation. I thought I was expected to simply sympathize. Unknowingly words started coming out of my mouth. I told Mr.Loneliness about my deepest fears of being the lonely soul deserted on this planet. About how I expect myself to be an extrovert though deep inside I know I am an ambivert. My secret desires to be happy. He was an excellent listener. Except for the acknowledgment cues, he spoke nothing.

I went on to tell him how much I hated being alone, what type of an attention-seeker I am. I also told him how I did not understand people’s definition of enjoyment. Everybody seemed to think to live by yourself , playing music and doing nothing was happiness, to me, it was a nightmare.

Finally, after my throat had gone all dry because of speaking, Mr.Loneliness looked deep into my eyes and told “You are right. Your perceptions are different from others. Everybody is different, the needs, the brain wiring, the situations under which they have been brought up are all unique. If you think you are an ambivert, be an ambivert, and be proud to be one. Never try to be a person you aren’t. Why to ponder about someone else’s uniqueness when your own uniqueness is a matter of mystery? There must be something you enjoy doing for yourself. Think!”.

I thought hard, I discovered that I loved cooking. I could dance all day croaking songs along with the radio.  I instantly realized that I understand myself better when I am all by myself. I discovered attention from other people does not matter as long as you know to love yourself and pay attention to yourself. I found a new pass time; to reflect myself. I finally discovered that there actually exists a clear boundary between loneliness and being alone. Loneliness dements the happiness out of you while being alone fills you with the inner happiness you foster without your knowledge.

I felt much more confident and raised my eyes up to Mr.Loneliness. Alas, he was gone, to tell my story to some other person suffering from the same bouts of loneliness.

 

 

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